“A Bugger Of A disease” – By My Dad

I sometimes worry about sharing so much of our family’s story. I know it is not everyone’s choice of therapy. My need to write, to expunge the fear and grief through words is a very personal thing.

I think I get it from my dad!

My dad has always been supporter of my blog, and occasionally he has contributed to it with his own thoughts. He has a natural way with words and expresses himself so honestly and beautifully.

He has asked that I post this – his latest blog post. 

I am very proud.

“A Bugger of A Disease!” – By My Dad

15th June 2020

It has been quite a while since I have put pen to paper but with self isolating and my recent diagnosis I’ve plenty of time to crystallize my thoughts to the followers of Sarah’s blog.

A sudden change of fortunes to my health (to say the least) has made me realize the importance of family and how they put down tools and come up (S, E, and C) and over (Sh.) to help me out, take me to appointments not forgetting cleaning, cooking and dog walking !

Indeed I feel very lucky to have such a caring and loving crew.

Three sessions of chemotherapy has made me feel rather knackeroodo at times, but I remain optimistic with regard to outcome. I’m seeing the oncologist this week to go over the further scan I had last week post treatment. All being well (fingers and toes crossed) I will have my 2nd  run of iv magic after this review. If “things” are looking not so good this may well be delayed or perhaps discontinued.

20th June 2020

Update dear readers – the recent scan showed no improvement (perhaps a little worse) and this coupled with very swollen legs and tummy indicates lymph node spread.

Chemotherapy, both oral and intravenous, are being stopped and strong analgesics substituted.

I have had a wonderful life but it is very hard to leave (months rather than years) our 3 and their beautiful 8 grandchildren behind.

As I sit here in the conservatory looking at the soft hills, the sun shining in the morning light and the gentle twitter of the garden birds looking for their breakfast, I’m accepting this dagger blow with resilience and fortitude.

However, those left behind will I’m sure take  long time to recover both from me suddenly developing such a bugger of a disease and their mum and granny living in a world full of chaos and solitude.

The children have been fantastic in helping me, although I know their hearts are pining and wishing that this is all a dream. God bless them all.

I’m up in St. Andrews for a few days with Sheila (a kind and wonderful sister) and John to spoil me. The sun is shining once again although I will not appreciate its warmth when my two little rascals and their lab. go for a long walk as I’m feeling a bit tired after my bacon and egg breakfast.

Perhaps I will not enjoy the view nor the pleasure of  future times but I will still remember friends and family from above the clouds who have given me great happiness and love.

I see Sarah has sneaked a few words of wisdom before my memories but please don’t cry or be distressed as I have accepted my fate and only thank you all who have made my life so unique and unforgettable.

All my love
Stephen.

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10 thoughts on ““A Bugger Of A disease” – By My Dad

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  1. Bless you and yours, I still want to believe in miracles and will keep believing in them and if anyone deserves one jees. Just watching This is us, Sian went by my room and said what you watching and I had just been thinking of you as the mum sang on the piano and Siân said that sounds so like Sarah’s voice and it reminded me to read this when I was alone, as sorry to your dad, it does make us shed a tear but it’s always a wonderful read and this one was so special. Keep enjoying your time together, painting is a wonderful thing to do together. My friend runs THEPAINTREPUBLIC and has loads of free tutorials. She lost her daughter at 6 but now has 2 beautiful boys. Your all such an inspiration and make me think man life is too short, Grab it by it’s balls and hope to see you singing to us all one day, as you have a voice like an angel. Keeeep writing Rax xx

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  2. My goodness Stephen and Sarah how eloquent you both are at this time of such tragedy.
    There are no words that can express my personal sorrow that life has turned out this way for two of the kindest and most wonderful people who I feel privileged to have known.
    I have wonderful memories of times with both Jane and Stephen full of laughter and joy as our young families grew up.
    We drifted apart in later life as we both moved away from the Baildon hub and the families grew up and moved on. We kept in touch periodically and I have always held fond memories of our time together, those marvellous dinner parties and games.
    My heart went out to you all with Jane’s diagnosis as I battled with the same sorrow with my mum a dreadful illness no one can help you through you have to find your own way.
    And now this, it feels too much for you all to bear but as usual Stephen you are strong and resolute with your lot. You are an amazing person, friend and Dad to Clive, Sarah and Emma be sure that everyone who has had the pleasure of your friendship will be by your side in thought and deed at this time of crisis. My love and thoughts are with you always.
    Jocelyn

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  3. Well, Stephen, you are a wonder and a marvel. All I see when I read this post is love, love, and then more love on top of that.

    As some brilliant scientist in the 19th century figured out, energy can neither be created, nor destroyed – and I am convinced that in your time “below the clouds” and in the time to come, you are made up of the best and brightest of all the energy.

    My heart goes out to you (Stephen) and you (Sarah), and all the rest of your friends and family. I’m so glad to have gotten to (sort of, oceans-away) know you both.

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  4. Oh my lovely cousin Stephen, how I wish I could be with you to give you a great big hug. You have brought up such a lovely supportive family, my heart goes out to you all and to dear Sheila.
    Sending you all my love Stephen xxx

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  5. Dear Sarah
    I had the pleasure of playing golf with your Mum and your Dad on many occasions (your Mum was my caddie on a great day and we all played in the mixed fun fours together with Eric). I am so saddened by the latest news. My heart goes out to you and your family at this awful time.

    Kind regards

    Lynne Baxter

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