Sarah has written many words of wisdom over the last few months. For someone who has had to deal with all the ups and downs of a parent showing rapid decline in mental function, it must certainly be a challenge. However, it is a much more difficult experience for those trapped in a constant state of upheaval and uncertainty.
Poor Jane seems to have slipped back a bit over the last few days. She no longer seems to trust me. She is constantly looking for her hubby and feels, at the moment, that this is her house and constantly asks me, “what are you doing here?”. The psychiatric nurses who come in, regularly tell me to try and change the subject, that if I do, she will come round. Her short term memory is so poor that left alone she will have forgotten what she had previously been worrying about. Sounds easy.
I find it very difficult to stop her from going out “to get some fresh air”, as she is constantly telling me not to follow her. It’s really the unpredictability of the illness that baffles me. Haircut day, and I’m dropping Jane off at the local hairdressers and on entering the car going into one of the back seats she asks “well, isn’t Stephen coming with us?” How do you respond to a question like that?
Maggie has had a haircut too and she looks just fab – a real little schnauzer pup. My treat was a trip to Tesco to fill up the shelves and fridge. A phone call to the shop on my return – yes she’s absolutely fine, about another half an hour. Will I pick her up as a friend of sorts, or perhaps her lost Stephen? I don’t know. I never know. I cannot tell what she will be thinking. On arrival, I find that, yes, she’s unfortunately very much the same – rather confused and a bit upset with me – but her hair is very nice!
This condition is not only strange but curiously quite incomprehensible, as after a superb
Tesco curry (or not) Jane seemed to improve and even apologised for being so horrible to me. She is settled after her nightly visit from Andrea one of the home care team and is sitting in her cosy dressing gown watching “Death in Paradise”.
I think there is a bit of paradise here from time to time you know, which makes me smile and gives me a belief that there may be more to come. Hopefully.