Before I started this blog, I spoke to my siblings about the fact I was writing things down and I emailed them my thoughts from time to time. Emma immediately began writing her thoughts down too and continues to do so – making me cry each every time, as I read and know just how much she is hurting. My big brother though, insisted he was more comfortable dealing with this privately, hiding the pain from others and carrying on, unwilling to display his emotions so openly. I understand completely….we are all so different, after all.
Then, I get an email from him…..not many words, but they are too emotive, too sad, too indicative of the kind of chap my brother is, that I just had to share them (he knows – I am not doing this without his knowledge!)
So…..introducing my strong, amazing, thoughtful, brave big brother……
I’ve thought about whether I should add to the amazing, thought provoking, well
written words of my siblings. The simple truth is, they write better than me!
Emotionally, I’m a private person and don’t wear my heart on my sleeve. Things
aren’t about to change!
For the last 20 years I’ve dealt with death, despair and pain beyond
comprehension. Despite my inner turmoil I’ve had to portray strength and wisdom.
I know difficult decisions, free of emotion but full of rational justification
are required and will continue to be required. I have many many personal
thoughts I could share. But, for now, they’ll remain in the box with all the
other horrors. I’ve been strong for other families, it’s time to be there for
my own. Xxx.