My Dad’s latest thoughts…..
A little update which I would like to share with you to remind all of us that the power of words indeed is magical or equally distressing.
I’ve had a week away seeing the children in Harrogate and London. I came home unsurprisingly with a sore throat and “full of cold”. (Thank you little ones!)
Jane hasn’t been too well for several months now and needs help with most things we take for granted. She is often quite sleepy when I visit and often in bed.
I was there yesterday and the nurses once again stated she had had breakfast and a good lunch but felt very tired subsequently and a wee rest in bed would be the best option. She half opened her eyes and tried to communicate but the jumbled words didn’t really mean anything at all to me.
After putting a cd on and trying to encourage some reaction to the songs she suddenly looked at me intently and said those 3 words in a soft quiet voice. I was stunned and tears began to flow as a automatic response to these small words that all of us wish to hear from time to time. After so many years of marriage as we know they become less said than they should and perhaps now we only hear them in lyrics of popular hits.
I replied in the only way I could – “and l love you too my darling”.
Those 3 words which pierced my heart on that afternoon gave me hope that she knew who I was for that fleeting moment. Of course it was very emotional for me and it was very difficult for me to remain “in one piece”. Youngsters would relish in their boyfriends/ girlfriends, engaged couples expression of love but in those precious moment I could only think of our wonderful times together and how dreadful it is for her to have such a very sad illness that has been thrown so unexpectedly at her when she should be enjoying life.
The very sincere “I love you” still hits me now 24 hours later like an express train thundering down the railway line and catapulting me into the drivers cabin, not able to redirect the speeding engine and carriages from the steel rails leading to the red buffers at the end of the line. Perhaps the end of the line will be peace for her but not for myself and the children and grandchildren who will only have fading memories, photographs and a video or two to recall how wonderful a wife, a mum and granny she was.
What we have to do is to say these precious three words to one another so we can smile and appreciate how much we mean to our loved ones. Let’s not leave it too late until instead of a wonderful feeling of being loved we are left with an emptiness of “if only” and an ache in ones heart.
Throughout all the worries we have shared together over the past few years I still very much “love you dear”.
I must go now and see if I can find the Hoover – I’m sure I must have put it somewhere !